After 60: The West Sees It One Way, Asia Another

This morning, sitting at my usual coffee shop, I was scrolling through Facebook when I came across an English post:

“Why older men cut off everyone after 60?”

Why do some older men cut ties with people after 60?
Why do they quietly choose solitude?

The post gave several rather philosophical reasons:

They no longer tolerate disrespect.

They stop giving when nothing comes back.

They protect their energy.

They no longer need to prove themselves.

They choose peace over relationships.

Sounds quite reasonable.

But after thinking about it, I wondered: this idea of “living for yourself as you get older” may fit Western culture rather well. In many Asian cultures, especially in Vietnam, older people may see things quite differently.

If older people in the West no longer tolerate disrespect, older people in Asia may choose tolerance:
“Never mind… let’s swallow it for the sake of family peace.”

It doesn’t mean they have no self-respect. Sometimes they simply accept what can be accepted—even the occasional indifference of their children and grandchildren—for the greater good of the family.

If older people in the West stop giving when nothing comes back, older people in Asia often live by an old saying:
“Love flows from parents to children.”

Vietnamese parents may give for a lifetime without ever calculating how much they have received in return.

They raise their children, and then… help raise the grandchildren.

If older people in the West protect their energy, older people in Asia may think differently:
If there is still something they can do for their children or grandchildren… just do it.

In the West, getting older may mean keeping more time and space for oneself.

In Asia, an older person may be sitting quietly with a cup of coffee and suddenly think:

“I wonder if my son has eaten yet.”

If older people in the West no longer feel the need to prove themselves, older people in Asia may still be thinking:
“What else can I do for my children?”

Their children may be fully grown, but the job of being a parent seems to have no retirement age.

If older people in the West choose peace over company, older people in Asia may think:
The greatest peace is… having the whole family around.

In the West, solitude can sometimes mean freedom.

For many older Asians, however, a house that is too quiet can become a source of sadness. A fulfilling old age is still often imagined as children and grandchildren around the dinner table, with the noise of little feet running through the house.

In the end, it is not about one culture being right and the other being wrong.

They simply have different ideas of what peace means.

In the West, peace can sometimes mean being free to live for yourself.

In Asia, peace often means seeing the people you love safe and happy.

And that is why an old Vietnamese man who is just about to enjoy a little solitude can hear one little voice:

“Grandpa!”

…and his plan for living alone is “bankrupt” on the spot.

— Mr. Old Man